To Be Human
by Turtles rule
Summary: Set after lost souls. What if Sebastian was able to rape clary? what kind of creature would be made from a being with part demon blood and a being who has more angelic blood then most?
1. chapter one (08-12 13:21:06)

**this is my first story so I am sorry if there is any grammar mistakes or any problems with my** **spelling.** **warning this chapter contains a breif mention of rape but it doesn't go into that much detail on the act itself if you do not want to read that please leave now.**

 ***unknown pov***

His on top of me, pulling at my clothes. No one can save me, no one is here but me and him. I don't want to cry not in front of him, but I can't stop myself. I feel weak, powerless, helpless. His holding me down with his body, his crushing me, I can't breath, I can't see, I'm trying to get him off but his too heavy. My pants and underwear are pulled down. I don't know when he got them off in the struggle. I hear his zipper being pulled down, I feel myself fight against him even harder then before. My struggling doesn't matter, his too big and he's putting all his weight on me making it to were the glass that is on the floor is digging into my back through my clothes. he's pulling my legs apart, I try kicking out but it does nothing

"Stop struggling sweet sister, you can't win." he says this in a frusterated tone.

"I will never give into you, never," I spat this out, I want to say more I want to tell him how I would rather him kill me then give in to him I want to tell him that if this is going to happen then I will fight it every step of the way but before I can he counties to speak.

"Oh that's to bad and here I thought you would be a good little sister and do as your brother says, oh well." and before I can say or do anything he pushes his hips forward and burries himself into me.

 ***clary's pov***

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath my dream, memory, playing in my mind. I start to dry heave, I scramble to get out of bed and make it to the toilet where I proced to get rid of everything I ate the night before. When I am done vomiting I let my head rest against the toilet seat, the cold surface feels like heaven against my forhead. The memory pushes itself to the forfront of my mind, I feel the pain, anger and panic that I always feel when the memory pushes itself into the front of my mind, which is every morning, it builds up quick and overwhelms me. I feel the tears I don't want to cry roll down my face I curl in on myself and sob, hating myself even more for doing so.

 **So, yeah that was the first chapter let me know what you think. critism is always good and welcomed as long as its constructive. if you have an idea for the title let me know cause I have nothing. don't be afraid to point out any grammar errors or spelling errors that way I can fix them.**


	2. chapter two

**Still have no idea what to call this story**

 ***clary's pov***

After my crying session ended I tried to compose myself before I go downstairs to eat breakfast. I'm so tired, but I can't go back to sleep, or rather, I don't want to. Ever since that night I have had nightmares about what happened, I can barly sleep at night, I only sleeped last night because I collasped.

I want to tell someone what happened so badly but I can't, they are all so busy tracking... **Hi** **m** , evertime I think that I am ready to tell someone, and they have the time to talk, I am filled with panic, shame, and fear. I don't know why I know that they won't blame me or be mad at me, and I know that they would actually help. But this is what happens evertime and I don't know how to deal with it.

I know that I need help, I know that I can't handle this on my own, but I don't want to burden anyone more then they already are. Jace is dealing with the heavenly fire, Alec is still dealing with his breakup with Magnus, Magnus isn't answering his phone, I can't tell Izzy because she is worried about her brothers and she doesn't need any more of my drama in her life. Simon is dealing with a lot, he doesn't say it but I know that he still is adjusting to the vampire life and he needs to focus on that. Mom already blames herself for what Sebastian has done, I can hear her crying at night, its faint but I can hear it. And it wouldn't be fair to Luke to make him keep that from her. So all in all I'm fucked.

 ***Jocelyn's pov***

She cried again, I could hear her vomiting in the bathroom then she started to cry, no, cry isn't the right word sob, yes, she started to sob. It breaks my heart to hear but I don't want to push her to far and me going in there while she is in that state would push her past what I think she can handle right now. She isn't sleeping I don't know if I am the only person to notice but I know that she isn't, I am thankful that she is eating but I am starting to worry about the amount of times she has gotten sick in the last month. I don't know what's wrong with her but all that I do know is that whatever is wrong I will be there for her through it, I will support her, I will ensure that she gets through this.

 **I bet you didn't expect Jocelyn to have a pov in this. I am so sick of the Jocelyns in fanfics thay do not seem to caring about their daughters, it is beyond out of character for her and I hate every fanfic that has her like that.**


	3. chapter three

***clary's pov*** I leave the bathroom and go to the kitchen my mom was making breakfast and luke is sitting at the table. What ever it was it smelled horrible, I have to see what she is making that smells so horrible. It's bacon. How in the hell can bacon smell this bad? What did she do to this bacon to make it smell this bad?

"uh mom?" she looks away from the bacon and looks at me

"Yes sweetheart?" I must look sick because she looks concerned

"what did you do to the bacon?" I know I shouldn't ask but I need to know if she did anything to it because if she didn't then the bacon has gone bad.

"What did I do to the bacon?" she looks confused.

"Yes, what did you do to the bacon?" the smell is starting to make me sick.

Luke looks at me just as confused as mom does.

"What do you mean clary?"

"It smells." the smell is starting to get worse I feel like I'm about to get sick again. Mom looks at me, alarmed.

"Smells? smells how?" she looks pale. before I can answer her the smell gets worse. I feel myself go green. I run to the bathroom before I get sick.

I have nothing in my stomach left to throw up so I am just throwing up stomach acid at least I think its stomach acid I don't know if it is. I feel someone pull back my hair and hold it. I'm not throwing up any more. I'm dry heaving now. It hurts. I feel something run down my check, it's a tear. When did I start crying?

"It's alright I've got you baby girl." I forgot that someone was holding my hair back. No not someone. Mom.

I feel myself relax into her. I rest my head in the crock of her neck. I haven't done this since I was a little girl. I feel my eyes start to close and before I know it I'm asleep.

 ***Jocelyn's pov***

She's curled up against me in a way that she hasn't been since she was a least ten. It was painful to watch her vomit like that, but right now I am more focused on what she vomited up, then the pain of seeing her like that. She vomited blood. bright scarlet blood.

"Jocelyn? is Clary o- is that blood?" I had almost forgot that Luke was up.

"Yes, Luke it's blood." I can barley think right now so the fact that I am talking right now is a miracal.

"Is Clary ok?" the pain in his voice at the thought of our baby girl being in pain should touch me but it doesn't if I was thinking right it would but I'm not thinking right. I'm panicing. Too bad right now isn't the time to panic, I'll do that later.

"No Luke I don't think Clary's ok. But she will be. Go get my phone. I have a call to make."


	4. chapter four

***Clary's pov***

It's dark, and I don't know where I am. I'm standing I think. I don't know up from down left from right. There is nothing but darkness. But for some reason I am not scared. I am calm and relaxed.

"Mommy?" I turn around. Standing there is a little boy with white blonde hair and green eyes, my eyes and _his_ hair. **MINE**. Its all I can think, all I can feel. I want him, I need him, I love him, I will do anything for him, I will do anything to have him to protect him.

"Yes little star?" I don't know why I said that it seems to fit him though and I like it.

"Don't let them hurt me mommy. Please don't let them hurt me." He looks like his about to cry. I will never let anyone hurt my baby. I will burn this world to the ground before I let that happen. This new feeling scares me.

"I won't little star. They will never touch them Mommy will never let that happen." I don't know who they is.

"You promise?" His voice is so small. It hurts my heart to hear him sound so small. Why does it hurt this much?

"I promise little star, that no one will ever hurt you." And I mean this I will die before I ever let anything happen to him.

"Hold me mommy?" His voice and face is filled with so much hope that I don't have the will to say no.

"of course little star." I sit down and he climbs into my lap I wrap my arms around him and hold him close to me. I am suddenly afriad that I am about to loss him. I hold onto him tighter trying to keep him with me but its not working the feeling is getting worse and worse

"Don't let them take me away mommy I don't want to go." He sounds so scared it hurts my heart. Who ever is hurting my boy is going to die a slow and painful death.

The darkness is fading it starting to get light.

"Don't leave me mommy, please don't leave me I don't want you to go." I don't want to go but I don't think I have a choice. I am fighting my best to stay but I lose the fight and my eyes shot open.

 ***Jocelyn's pov***

Shes so pale lying here against her bed. its painful to see her like this. But she will be alright. His almost here. Luke is standing next to the bed. I hear a knock on the door. Thank the angel his here. Luke goes to get the door but I stop him and get it myself.

"Thank you for coming here on such sort notice Magnus." He looks so tired and plain not at all like himself, I don't know if he will be able to do this but he is the vest I know.

"No problem Jocelyn you pay well and you don't really waste my time all that much. Plus you said it was an emergency, so what is it?"

"Its Clary." and before I can explain further he interupts me.

"I figured as much. When it comes to you calling me she's usaully involved in one way or another." which is very true.

"Anyway. There is sonething wrong with Clary. She was acting werid this morning and then suddenly threw up in the bathroom which normally would be fine but she threw up blood." He looks worried. Sometimes I forget that he loves her just like I do. Just like Luke does.

"Well thats not good. Did she go hunting last night?" He is thinking that she was posioned by a demon a good theory but she didn't go hunting last night.

"No she didn't. I don't know whats wrong thats why I called you. I was hoping you could help with figuring it out."

"Of course Jocelyn. Take me to the little biscut." I walk him to Clary's room Luke is still standing where I left him. She is still asleep. Is this pain, the pain that I feel now, what Clary and Luke felt when I was in the coma? I will have to talk to them about it.

"Ok stay back while I check to see whats wrong." I do as he says and I see that fimilar blue flames spark out Magnus moves his hand up and diwn trying to find the source of the problem. Magnus's face is scrunched up in consentration until he suddenly gets a confused look on his face.

"This is odd I can't find what wron- wait what's this?"his hand over her stomach. I am filled with worry and a bit of panic.

"What is it?" The confusion on his face deepens.

"I don't know. I think there's something in her stomach." He looks concerned.

"What do you mean you think there something inside her stomach?" Luke just took the words out of my mouth.

"There is something in her stomach and I'm pretty sure that what ever it is its alive and it is the reason why she vomited blood." I am in shock and I think Luke is too.

"can you get rid of it?" My vouce is small and kind of weak.

"I can try." Magnus starts to mumble under his breath, a spell maybe, his hand is hovering over his stomach. Clary starts to twitch and jerkShe starts to make pained sounds. It hurts to hear her sound like this. Her jerking gets worse. Shes thrashing around as if what Magnus is painful to her. The panied sounds get worse I'm about to tell Magnus to stop but then Clary archers her back gasps and her eyes fly open.


	5. chapter Five

**I am sorry for not updating for so long, but school has been kicking my ass. Any way onto the story.** ***Jocelyn's** **pov*** Clary's eyes were glowing a bright almost inhuman green, she moved faster then what I thought was physically possible for any person to move. Whatever she did sent Magnus flying into the furthest wall of the room, He hit his head with a sicking crack. Clary is not laying on the bed anymore, she is now standing next to the bed glaring at Magnus with those inhuman eyes that don't belong to her, at least I don't think they do. I gather all the curage I had and spoke trying to... to do what I don't know calm her down maybe? to get her back to herself? I don't know what is wrong with her so I don't know what I am supposed to do. But I have to try something.

"Clary, Honey can you hear me?" I say this in a very gental voice. She can hear me since her head whipes over to look at me, those eyes tear into me, Jugeing everything they see. It seems like they can see everything in me its almost like they can look at my soul. I have her attention but I need her to come back to me, to herself.

"Clary, baby can you hear me?" Her eyes narrow she takes a step forward, what is she- without warning I find myself pinned into the wall with Clary's hand around my throat. I can hear luke scream my name but I pay him no mind, I am to bussy looking at my daughter. She's chocking me her eyes still narrowed. Those eyes look so angry.

"Cl-Clar-y, h-honey ple-please st-stop I ca-can't brea-breath." I can see Luke coming up to her, his probably going to try to get her off me. I look back to Clary back to those eyes. I have to try one more time to get her to stop.

"Cla-Clary please." Her eyes widen and she lets go of my neck her eyes go back to their normal color. She looks around confused then looks at me, more specifically my neck in horror.

"Mom w-what happened?" That is a great question one that I really don't have the answer for.


	6. chapter six

**Two chapters in one week? Wow that's unheard of. Bit of contexted this is clary's pov on last chapter then add some more to it.** ***Clary's pov***

I'm being attacked, no my son is being attacked and it is my job as his mother and care giver to protect him. There is a man who looks familiar but I can't remember where I know him from, but it doesn't matter he is attacking my son so he must die. I get up and hit him as hard as I can the man goes flying through the air in what looks like slow motion. I glare at him I am trying to figure out how I am going to kill this man for attempting to kill my baby.

Then out of no where I hear someone call my name the voice is muffled almost like I am under water, I can barley make out what it says "C _l_ a _r_ y, _H_ o _n_ e _y_ c _a_ n _yo_ u h _e_ a _r_ m _e_?" I turn to look at the person, the woman. Who is she? She look even more fimailar then the man but I don't know her, Do I?

I try to place her in my head but I can't. she talks again in that underwatery way that she does."C _l_ a _r_ y, b _ab_ y _c_ an _y_ o _u_ h _ear_ m _e_?" A thought rushes at me though, what if this woman is working with the man? She could be after my baby. I have to kill her to keep him safe, I rush at her and grab her throat and I pin her to the nearset wall. I hear a manly scream of a name that sounds a lot like my mothers. I will deal with who eber that is after I kill this woman who attacked and tried to kill my little morning star.

"C _l_ -Cl _a_ r-y, h-h _o_ n _ey_ pl _e_ -pl _ea_ se st-st _o_ p I ca-c _an_ 't brea-b _re_ ath." she's begging me to stop. Why should I stoo she tried to kill my baby. But listening to her beg makes me feel awful. She's looking at me in the eyes... Those eyes are so fimailiar. I am getting lost in them, she looks so fimailiar. Who is she?

She talks again but this time her voice is normal and not underwatery."Cla-Clary please." Her voice is one I have heard all my life. The voice who would joke with me, sooth me, the voice I heard all throughout my time in the womb. In her womb. The voice was that of my mother. I am choaking my mother I feel my eyes widen and I release her throat. I stare at the mark I left behind in horror.

"Mom w-what happened?" I ask her. I feel like a child who has just done something awful. Which makes sense since I just did something awful. I almost killed my own mother. She answers her voice horase and probably hurts to use

"I don't know, clary I really don't know. We need to figure that out but first, we need to make sure that Magnus is ok." Magnus when did- The man the one that looked fimailiar but I couldn't place. That was Magnus? I turn to look at him his breathing which is goid but there is a gash on his forhead. By the angel what have I done?


	7. Chapter 7

**-Forgive me readers for I have sinned It has been far to long since I last updated-**

 ***Jocelyn's pov***

I watch as clary face becomes guilt ridden and pain fully blooms in her eyes. I want nothing more than to go over to my daughter hold her and tell her that its going to be ok, but I can't do that right now. first I need to make sure that magnus is ok then I need to find out what the fuck just happened. Luke is kneeling down next to magnus and cheeking for his pulse and I see him visably relaxes.

"He has a heartbeat and is still breathing. I think he is just knocked out." I relax and feel pressure leave my chest. I notice that Clary also relaxs a little at the news but the guilt and pain are still there. I will deal with that a little later.

"Good, but he can't stay on the floor. I'll help you move him to the bed." I go over to where luke is and grab onto magnus's arms while Luke gets his legs. After a little struggle we manage to get him onto the bed to rest more comfortably until he wakes up. I look over to where Clary is standing, she hasn't moved.

"I think you and I need to have a little talk." I say this in the best mother voice I can at the moment. She looks at me and her eyes are filled with pain she nods her head never the less, I think that's all she is able to do right now.

"come on lets go downstairs and leave magnus alone." She again nods her head and follows me and Luke downstairs and into the kitchen.

"What the hell just happened?" Its the first question that pops into my head and before I can stop it, it pops right out of my mouth. I can feel Luke give me a look. Clary looks at me startled and scared but answers anyway.

"I attacked you and Magnus." her voice is small and weak and it breaks when she talks and the pain and unshead tears are adable in her voice.

"I know that, what I don't know is _why_ you attacked me and magnus." she winces at my voice, or maybe she winces at my question. She says something but I can't hear what she said. Luke who up until this point in the conversation had been quit speaks up.

"what was that Clary? you have to speak up honey." He seems more calm then I do but I know for a fact that he is just as paniced as I am.

"Magnus was hurting him And I thought you were hurting him too." her voice is still quit but it doesn't break and it lacks any pain or guilt. I notice this but I am more focused on the response she gave then the emotion in her voice. Who is he and how were we hurting him?

"Hurting who Clary?" I ask her. she looks right at me and she has a look in her eyes. A look that I have never seen before.

"My little moring star, my son, my baby." She puts her hand over her stomach and has the most serene look in her eye. **"YOUR WHAT?"**


	8. chapter eight

**Jocelyn's pov**

"Your what?!" A baby? My baby girl is going to have a baby? I hear someone having a hard time breathing and it takes a moment for my mind to kick in that it's me thats having a hard time breathing. How could this have happened? When could this have happened? I am going to kill that golden little bastered solider.

"Yes my baby." She still has that unreadale look on her face. I see her hand press against where her womb would be and the look on her face morphs from unreadable to serean. I look over to Luke to try and gather some thought, what greets me is a paled face slacked jaw man that seems to not be breathing. So he is not going to be any help anytime soon.

"How did this- When did this happen?" My voice is calm in a way that I am not tjis voice is a voice that I have used on Clary whenever I am beyond angry. She calls it scary calm. Clary looks down and refuses to look up at me, she says something under her breath and if there was any sort of noise in the room I wouldn't have heared her. But the room is dead silent and I hear every word.

"At the apartment with Jonathen and Jace." She loojs like she is going to be sick and I want to comfort her. Any other time I would be over the moon that she is finally talking about her time at the apartment but right now I am to angry to be happy.

"While you were away, in a dangrous situation that you shouldn't have been in, you and that golden little bastered decided that you would have sex?" On the outside I probably look calm but on the inside I am shaking with rage. My little girl had sex, my mind stop short at that, my little girl had sex? An unwanted image forms in my head of Clary on a bed with Jace on top of her and moving. I feel sick. I am so distracted by the image that I almost miss the response.

"I did have to be in that situation if I wasn't than we never would have found out about Jobathen's plan." I can see her logic. But I don't like it.

"So you admit it, you and Jace had sex during that time!" I scream this. All I can see is that image

"I never said that!" she screams right back at me like all teenagers do when you accuse them of something.

"Then who else Clary? Am I truly to believe that while you were risking your life and freedoom for one boy you decided to sleep with another?" I want her to admit it I want her to look me in the eye and tell me that the picture in my head is true.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." She's shaking and it looks like she is about to cry. I want to hold her, I want to tell her everythings going to be okay. But she's pregnant and it's not going to be okay.

"You don't get a choice in this, not anymore." Her eyes snap up to me for the first time since this conversation has started she stands up and I brace myself for what she has to say. Clary can be brutal with her words if you push her hard enough.

"Don't get a choice? I Never had a choice! Do you think I wanted this? That I got a choice in any of this? No I didn't! I didn't want to do it! He made me I did want to! It hurt mommy it hurt. It hurts everynight and everyday it hurts! I can't sleep at night because all I see when I close my eyes is Jonathen on top of me, pinning me down, forcing himself inside of me. It hurts mommy, I can't breath mommy I can't fucking breath!" The image shatters at yhe same time my heart does.


	9. chapter nine

so sorry that I haven't updated in forever. I just didn't know how to continue after what happened in the last chapter. Clary's pov in next chapter.

 **Jocelyn's pov***

After telling me this Clary seems to lose whatever strength she had and collapses onto the chair that she had just jumped from. She's crying, no she's sobbing. I want to get up and help her but I can't, I can't move. memories and thoughts crash around in my head waring each other, I see all of Clary's childhood, all the ups and downs, I see her and Simon playing together, I see her scared and terrified bu Magnus's magic. Then I remember the day that Clary was born, I had been alone in an apartment that I could barely afford and in a world that I couldn't understand, I had been smart enough to know the number of the emergancy people in this world and when I felt the familiar feeling of contractions I called the emergancy people and went to the hosptial. I was in labor for about seven hours, nothing has ever been or will ever be more beautiful to me then the sounds of a baby Clary's scream, even when that scream kept me up for days on end, it never cease to be beautiful to me.

Now she is going to have a baby. Her brothers baby. And I am terrified of what that will bring. I can't help her. And I think she knows that.


	10. chapter ten

***clary's pov***

I told her I can't believe I actually told her. I knew it was the right thing to do but my God I didn't want to tell her like this. I didn't want to tell her at all, but I knew that I had to I couldn't allow her to think that Jace and I did something then have her confront him and just confuse him and maybe activate the Heavenly Fire. that's not fair to him or to her or really to me either. I'm kind of of glad that I told her she could help me, maybe, I really need her to help me but I don't know if she can. but I know that she will try and that's all I can ask of her. but I can't focus on this now I have to focus and when I did Magnus and on what Magnus might have done to my son. I look to my mom you see the look of horror and Terror on her face and I know that she needs a moment to collect herself and her thoughts, but we really don't have that time.

"Mom, we need to make sure that Magnus is okay and maybe we can find out what he did to the baby." her eyes jumped me and all I can see is sadness and regret. I know that all she wants to do is hold me and tell me that everything's going to be okay, but she doesn't think it's going to be okay she has promised to not lie to me anymore, so she's not going to say a word because it's not going to be okay and she knows it. she nods her head but I can tell that she really doesn't know what's going on she's lost in her own head and thoughts. that's okay so am I, all I can think of is that little boy, my little boy, My Little Morning Star, and as much as I hate to admit it if Magnus did anything to harm my little boy I will kill him.

"Don't worry about that biscuit." my head snapped to look over at the doorway to the kitchen and see Magnus leaning against it. he looks like he's in pain and I want to go up and apologize for what I did but I really can't look at him, I'm still angry at him for what he might have done to my son. I really do hope did he hasn't done anything to hurt my little boy because if he has I will have to kill him, no one's hurts my little boy, no one.


	11. chapter eleven

***Normal pov***

Magnus clumsily made his way over to the table and collapsed in on the only open seat left. he put his head in his hands and rubbed a sore spot on his temples making sure did not hit the open wound that still remained on his forehead. Jocelyn finally snap out of whatever it is that had taking over her jumped up mumbling something about going to get the first aid kit. Clary who looked extremely mad wasn't looking at Magnus in Luke who still looked as though he wasn't breathing shook his head probably trying to clear his thoughts, looked over to Magnus in shock as if he just realized that Magnus was there and awake. Luke opened his mouth and asked a simple question that both Clary and Jocelyn probably wanted to ask but but haven't yet probably due to the fact that neither one of them are in their right mind.

" Magnus how are you feeling?" it was obvious to everyone who really knew Luke that he was just trying to change the subject because he didn't really know what to think about the previous one. Magnus gave a tight smile that clearly stated that he was still in some sort of pain and said

" I haven't had a headache this bad since the Roaring twenties. in fact the last time I had a headache this bad was the night that a speakeasy that I had been at was raided by the local police officers I had to hide everyone and the alcohol. that was a pretty rough night if I remember correctly." before Magnus get into one of his famous long drawn-out talks about the past Jocelyn came into the room carrying a first aid kit. Magnus turned and looked at her and gave her another tight smile.

" Awe is that for little old me shouldn't have. so you really should have since it was your darling offspring that has caused such a headache. speaking of what did you attack me biscuit?" magnus's Focus one off of Jocelyn and the first aid kit and looked right at Clary who still was not meeting his eye and was instead looking down at her fist that were clenched in her lap. it was a a tense moment of silence that was only broken by the sound of Jocelyn making her way over to Magnus and opening the first aid kid to get out the antiseptic cream and a patch and some gauze. Clary who had at this point not looked away from the clenched fist in her lap looked up at Magnus with a look of pure anger.

" why did I attack you, why did you attack my little Morningstar?" clary's voice was riddled with anger and a lesser weaker man might have winced at the tone that she had. Magnus however was not a weak man and could take the anger and the tone that she gave off.

" your little who?" confusion riddled magnus's voice it was obvious to everyone who knew him that he had no idea what Clary was talking about. Clary for her part just looked even more mad at the fact that he didn't know what he almost did to her little boy, maybe, it was what he has done to her little boy.

" my little Morning Star, my son, when you were trying to wake me up or whatever it is was that you were trying to do you were hurting him, I couldn't let that happen he's my son, my baby boy, as his mother I have to protect him, I need to protect him he is my lineage, my line, you were hurting him and I can't let anyone hurt him, ever." has she says this her eyes begin to glow that inhuman green color the same color that her eyes were when she was attacking Magnus and Jocelyn voice grew almost animalistic when she was talking about the child that she is carrying, if you look close enough you could see that her hand was pressed up against her stomach as though it could stop any harm that could ever happen to the Growing Child inside of her. Magnus for his part look Beyond confused and a little scared Jocelyn looks shocked and startled and Luke looked as though he wasn't breathing again. the same thought crossed all of their minds, this was going to be a disaster.


	12. chapter twelve

*** normal p o v***

" what do you mean I was hurting your little boy, and what do you mean by your little boy?" the confusion was palpable and magnus's voice and it was easy to see it on his face which normally would never happen since Magnus never allowed anyone to see that he was confused but in this case it called for it. Clary, whose eyes had stopped glowing, for now, looked angry and really upset, more so the fact that she will have to explain to yet another loved one what had happened to her and the result of what had happened. She didn't know if she wanted to do it again, she didn't know if she was ready to do it again. but since sl Magnus might have done something to her son she supposed she had no choice but to say it again, nothing was more important to her then her little boy and she's only know of him for maybe an hour but she knows that he is what matters most, if anything has happened to him because of what Magnus has done she will have to kill him, she doesn't want to but she knows the deep down then if the child that she has is gone because of Magnus she will not be able to control that other half of her it seems to I want this child more than she does, it frightens her this other half, it seems more animalistic than she is, and she has to wonder if perhaps that it is the other half of herself, the half that is connected to heaven, the angel that's so many have claimed her to be. it would make sense she's supposed, Jonathan did have his demon side that's him to rule over him and there were times when Jace seemed to be more heavenly then human, and she has more Angelic blood than he does so it would make sense that she would have another half like that, it is only strange that is only showing itself now, why now why not when she needed it the most? why not when Jonathan was hurting her on top of her inside of her? what makes it want to be out now? Clary knows the answer, for the boy, her son that grows within her, the angel inside of her knows that this is the continuation of its line, it knows that he needs to be protected at all costs, it knows that Clary is not strong enough to protect it on her own she needs help and it knows that. so she will protect what is theirs what is theirs is the boy, their baby boy. They are one, one in the same but different at the same time, the angel has been protecting Clary all her life without her knowing. it will continue to protect her and any child that she has be it a Demon or an angel. it does not discriminate, all of them are her children just as Clary is her mortal, her wonderful half who she has given all of the control to and will never take the control for herself for there is no other conscious part of Clary, it is just Clary, but there is a dark animalistic part of Clary that is hell-bent I'm protecting The Offspring that it will have, it is the angel that resides within her, the angel part that pushed down by Jocelyn and Magnus unknowingly of course, it is clary's Natural Instincts to protect her line, and it has been awakened by the promise of a firstborn, and then she'll do everything in her power to ensure the life of that first born. it is Clary and it is not. but it is gone for now, but that is not to say it won't be back. Clary opened her mouth to explain the situation.

" while I was at the moving apartment with Jace and Jonathan, there was an incident right before the Battle with the endarkened, to make a long story short Jonathan raped me." clary's voice like any emotion at all and it made all those around her look at her in worry, Jocelyn who flinched at the ugly word, that really made the whole thing come in perspective for her, reached her hand out as if to grab clary's hand, but then paused when she saw the look in clary's eyes, the look was a focused anger that was directed directly at Magnus. It was clear to everyone in the room that if Magnus had done anything do harm the child that Magnus was not going to survive the hour. thankfully Magnus hadn't done any harm to the child, the only thing that he had done was located it, he had been, however, trying to remove what he had thought to be a whale demonic parasite but was unsuccessful since Clary had woken up before he could. and Magnus figured he hadn't been that far off since a baby technically is a parasite and this baby just so happens to have a little demon in it. Magnus had a question though, how did she know that she was pregnant. and that was exactly the question that he was going to ask.

" that is an awful thing to hear biscuit and I'm horrified that that has happened to you. but I have to know how did you know that you were pregnant? How long have you known? and why didn't you come and talk to me to your parents or to anyone? you know that we wouldn't have judged you for it, we wouldn't have been mad at you, you know that don't you?" the grief and pain in magnus's voice hurt Clary in a way that Clary had been trying to avoid, she didn't know how to respond, she didn't know how to tell Magnus or her parents that every time that she tried to tell them, any of them, that she was filled to the brim with panic and fear, how does she tells them that she'd rather deal with it on her own then to see the pain that she sees now, how does she tell them that if it wasn't for the fact that she was pregnant that she wouldn't have told them at all. that's the thing she can't tell them any of that so instead she changes the subject.

" none of that matters right now what matters is what you have done to my son. so do tell me Magnus what have you done to my boy?" clary's voice was calm but there was an undertone of anger and if you listen close enough panic and fear. Magnus tiredly sighed and opened his mouth to tell Clary the truth because he knew that if he didn't tell her what she wanted to know soon she just might lose her cool and knock him out again.

" the baby is fine the only thing that I was able to do was locate him and see that he was there." the relief on clary's face was almost painful to look at Jocelyn looked sick at the sight of the relief on clary's face on the fact that the child that was forced inside of her was okay. Luke for his part seemed just as relieved as Clary, it seems that Luke has brought his head around the idea of being a grandpa rather likes it oh, he hates the Act that has brought about this child but since Clary seems to want it then Luke will not judge nor stop her from having it, though he would be lying if he said that he wasn't worried about what this child could bring to the world.

" good, good, that's good." the tenseness that had been in clary's body seem to immediately release and she seemed to relax for the first time in hours. now there was just one problem, now that some all the people that she loved knew it was only a matter of time before the others did as well and she knew it was not fair to keep it from them any longer. but she really was not looking forward to the talk that was going to happen. Especially Jace's reaction.


	13. chapter thirteen

***Normal Pov***

it was later in the day, mid-afternoon if someone where to guess, Magnus had just left after a very stiff conversation with Jocelyn and Luke about the baby and Clary. Clary for her part had been sitting in the living room lost in her own mind Imagining the reactions that the rest of her loved ones would have to her wonderous news, well it was wonderous in her opinions the others probably wouldn't agree. she had listened in on the conversation and mostly they were talking about the effects that the baby could have not only on her but the world. after talking about that for about five minutes Magnus decided that it would be best if he left for the day, but said that he would come back sometime either tomorrow or the next day. Now it was just Clary, Luke and Jocelyn. they all sat in the living room Clary was sitting on the couch looking everywhere but at her parents, more than likely not wanted to talk about what just transpired. Luke and Jocelyn for their part looked as though they Just aged about five years, tired and worn they both really didn't want to talk to either each other or to their child, but they knew that they had to, neither one of them really wanted to start up the conversation and we're hoping that Clary would talk first. they were at a stalemate. finally growing tired of the silence Jocelyn open her mouth and finally verbalize a question that had been eating away at her since this morning.

" How do you know it's going to be a boy?" the question was obviously directed at Clary since she was the one who seemed to know the gender of the baby.

Clary finally looking at her parents simply told the truth, " when I passed out I had a dream of him, he was so beautiful, he had ** _his_** hair color but his eyes, his eyes were all mine. He's all mine." clary's eyes began to Glow again this time instead of burning with anger it was a Serene type of happiness in her eyes, and her lips couldn't help but twitch up into a smile. Jocelyn and Luke were both a little unsettled by this, Luke was just by by the dream, Jocelyn however was unsettled not just by The Dream but by clary's reaction to the child. there was a moment of pause why no one said a word again. Clary, who's been looking at her stomach where her womb lies, look back up to her parents.

" if you want to talk about anything that happened you can, it's your right to know." her voice was soft when she said this.

" thank you but I don't think now is the time to talk about this, we all just need to digest what happened, maybe you should get some sleep it looks like you haven't done so in days." Luke was the one to say this, Jocelyn for her apartment doesn't know she wanted nothing more than to ask a bunch of questions more than likely wanted to know what happened exactly. Clarisse smiled at him in a small painful way.

" I would love to but, will you see, I haven't really been able to sleep, like at all. the nightmares that I've been having have kept me up, I can't sleep through them, I don't want to sleep through them." Jocelyn and Luke look at a loss for words, it was finally sinking in with the both of them just exactly what Clary went through, having a very traumatic event happened to you affects everything that you do, it affects the way that you live for a while after it happened. they both know since they themselves have gone through a lot of traumatic experiences in their lives, they need to help her go through this one.

" I have an idea." that was the only thing that Jocelyn said before she was suddenly up and taking clary's hand pulling her with heading straight for her Luke's room. Luke followed behind her having a good idea of what her idea was. Clary did not struggle against her mother's grip against her hand, at this point she was too tired to do anything. as soon as they made it into the room Jocelyn gently put Clary onto the bed making sure that she was right in the middle, she discreetly gestured to Luke to go to the other side of the bed catching on to what she was doing Luke immediately went to the side of the bed and lied down next to Clary Jocelyn then lie down on the other side of her daughter.

" what are you doing?" Clary for her part had been silent during this but was very curious as to what her parents were doing.

" do you remember when you were little and you would have horrible nightmares?" Jocelyn said this but didn't pause and wait for Clarys for clary's answer, " you would crawl into my bed in the middle of the night I would always wake up when you did oh, you used to think that I woke up just for you, when really I woke up because my training made me a very light sleeper. you would crawl into bed and I would wrap my arms around you and hold you tightly as you cried and told me what had happened describing the Nightmare and how horrible and bad it was, and I would hold you and you would go to sleep and I would stay holding you and you wouldn't have any more nightmares, for the night at least. Now you don't have to tell me your nightmares or what they're about or anything like that, but my baby girl I want to hold you while you sleep so you don't have any nightmares at least for tonight." Clary, who had not expected that answer, immediately burst into tears and wrapped her arms around her mother, who immediately wrapped around her arms around her as well, Luke scooted over to where they were and wrapped his arms around the both of them and they all about the tears that had been building up since that morning fall, they made a beautiful sight a mother and a father wrapping their daughter up in their arms and holding her as she cried , they all fell asleep like this, comfortably wrapped in each other's embrace, no one had any nightmares because they had each other to drive them away.


	14. chapter fourteen

***clary pov***

getting out from the sandwich of her parents without waking them was rather difficult but, because of the train that she's had Clary has managed to do just that. she knew what she needed to do and she knew that she couldn't do it with them, even though she could really use the support couldn't see that look in their eyes again not when she had to tell everyone else would happen and it would see that look in their eyes, she could only handle so much and seeing the look of pity and horror and not only her friends but her parents eyes was just too much. so after sending a quick text to Simon to see where he was and explaining that she needed to talk to him she went to her room to get socks because she wasn't wearing any and went to the door to grab her shoes, she didn't think that she needed anything else but just to be sure she went ahead and grabbed her stelle and the Saphire blade you know, just in case. after finding out that Simon was in the apartment that he shared with the apartment that he shared with Jordan, Clary had a choice to make she could either walk or take a cab. both had there perks but after the day that she had she needed to take a walk to try and clear her head. as soon as she was out the door she started to think, and worried, what was her friends think, how would they react, what would they say? oh God what would Jace say? she had a pretty good idea I want he would do, she just hopes that he wouldn't do it oh, she doesn't think she could handle seeing him like that. she has been lost in her own thoughts on her friends and their reactions to what she had to say that the sudden thought of her son caused her to pause. she was going to have a child, real live child, how was she going to take care of him? how is she going to raise him Shadow world? even if Jonathan dies everyone will know who his father is, and everyone we'll treat him like they had first treated her. She doesn't know if she wants that for him. before she knew it she was right in front of Simon's apartment door she raised her hand and knocked on the door not even a second after she knocked on the door Simon threw it open and if she had known about his vampiric speed she would have thought that he was waiting by the door.

" Clary" he said with relief in his voice, "hey come on in, you said you needed to talk to me about something important?"

" yeah si I really do." when she says this it feels like your throat was closing in on itself, she can barely breathe and she can't believe she's doing this but her parents knew and it was only a matter of time before he did to. and he's her best friend she should tell him before she tells the others. they make their way over to the couch Simon obviously a little worried make sure to face her to try to remain in eye contact with her, Clary is not looking at him and has her eyes to the ground. it was obvious to Simon that whatever it is that she had to say was very difficult for her and that she seemed scared of what she had to say.

" you know you can tell me anything Fray."

" yes Simon I know this I just don't know how to even begin to explain this to you." her voice breaks in the middle of talking and she's shaking growing paler by the second, Simon reaches his hand out and grabs one of her shaking hands she squeeze on it and takes a deep shaky breath.

" Clary whatever it is you can tell me. I always got your back Fray." that simple sentence is what causes the dam to burst tears start streaming down her face and she starts to sob Simon rap her up in his arms and she's just starts to tell, she tells him everything fight and struggle that she had with Jonathan to the pain of him pinning her down and violating her to the NeverEnding nightmares to the panic and shame that she faces every day when she closes her eyes and sees his face to what happened earlier that day then to her son, she tells him everything.

" Clary" tears are streaking down his face and the unnecessary breaths that he still takes are choppy and it looks like he's about to be sick, then the sick look goes away and I look that she's never seen crosses his face, pure unbridled rage " I'll drain every ounce of blood that he has Clary I swear you I will kill him for doing this to you Clary, I swear it." his voice breaks more in this moment that it did when he was going through puberty. Clary feels a small smile form on her face before she says,

" not before I do." he doesn't look troubled or disturbed by what she says not that she really expected him to but it just shows how much they've changed from the children that they had been so what they are now.

" what are you going to do?" Simon asks the question is in a whisper as if he was afraid to ask it.

" what am I going to do about what?" the question is asking a very confused tone Clary has no idea what he's referring to because in her rambling explanation she did tell him that she had to tell everyone so he's not asking about that.

" about the baby." confusion builds in her what does he mean?

" what do you mean what am I going to do about the baby?" she has a foreboding sense of dread with where his questioning are leading. Simon sighs and rakes his hand through his hair.

" look Clary you know I'll support you in anything that you choose to do but I need to know what you're choosing to do." choosing what does he mean by choosing?

" what do you mean by choosing Simon?" realization the hits her when he looks at her, she hadn't even thought about getting rid of the baby she hadn't even thought that they would even suggest getting rid of the baby, and it isn't like she doesn't believe in abortions it's just that the mere thought of anything happening to her son makes her blood boil so she never even thought of abortion being an option. "you're wondering if I'll abort my son?"

" yes." after he says that Clary feels a rage building her that she's never felt before and Simon seems to notice that and by the way that he's opening and closing his mouth it's obvious that he feels the sudden need to explain himself, " Clary I'm not saying that you're going to and I'm not suggesting that you do I just want to know what you are going to do." Clary calms herself down to a somewhat decent mood oh, it's not his fault he doesn't know how much she loves her son he just wants to know what she's going to do and that's fair she supposes.

" I'm keeping him Simon, he's my son, before he is anything he is my son not **_his,_** mine. I love him so much Simon and he's not even born yet." her voice crackles and breaks when she tells Simon that she loves her son Clary can feel tears press up against her eyes by the sheer weight of her love for her son." by the angel Simon I love my him so much that the thought of him being hurt in any way fills me to the brim with rage, if anything happens to him Simon I don't know what I'll do. but I can tell you that it won't be anything good" Simon takes this in nods his head then opens his mouth and asked a questions that Clary was dreading.

" when are you going to tell the others?"


	15. chapter fifteen

* **Jocelyn's pov*** I was slow to wake but when I managed to peel my eyes open I knew immediately that Clary was gone. the feeling of dread and fear filled me to the brim and the worst situations imaginable immediately burst into my head. what if Jonathan took her in the middle of the impromptu nap? what if she took a walk and was attacked by a demon? what if that thing thing growing inside of her took over her mind and made her go to her brother? I quickly set up and notice that it was Dawn which means that me and Luke and slept for at least eighteen hours. which is understandable considering what had happened the day before but one of us should have been awake to monitor Clary. oh, it was a stupid idea to have a group nap session when one of them should have been awake to make sure that Clary stayed safe. I quickly sat up and get out of the bed not bothering to wake up Luke too focused on finding my precious baby girl then to even consider waking up the only father that she has ever known. I don't have to bother changing into something since I was already in my everyday clothes when we had fallen asleep but I do quickly grab some socks and Rush to the front door to get my shoes but before I can get to the front door I hear something from the living room and when I get to the living room I see someone. It's Clary she's sitting on the couch with their hands on her stomach, more specifically over her womb. I have no idea what compels me to do this but I don't go to her, I stay where I am and listen to what she says.

" it's alright my little Morning Star. nothing is ever going to hurt you, not while mommy's here. Mommy doesn't know what to do little Morning Star, you see mommy told Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Magnus and Uncle Simon about you, and about the man who put you in me, about what he did. and that's okay, it was an important thing to do, something that Mommy was trying to do for a very long time and this just made it to where she could. but Mommy doesn't know how to tell the others. It was bad enough telling Grandma and Grandpa Uncle Magnus and Uncle Simon, only doesn't know if she can tell the others. no mommy has to tell the other she knows that, they deserve to know not only what happened but about you, my precious little boy, but mommy doesn't think that Mommy can tell them now. mommy thinks that she has to wait a little while. what do you think should mommy wait a little?" there's a brief pause in her one-sided conversation with the thing growing inside of her. she sounds so tired yet happy. she's being broken down from the experiences that she has been forced to live through, and yes she sounds so happy when she talks to the creature inside of her, which I suppose makes sense since in her mind that thing is her child, but that thing is not a child is a creature a horrid monster, a mash-up of Angel and Demon something that never should have been, it is said that the Fey Folk are The Offspring between Angels and Demons but I do not believe this is true and even if it was those are true Angels and Demons, not this messed up combination of greater demon extra Angel barely human thing. it terrifies me this creature growing within my baby girl, it terrifies me because I can't get rid of it not without risking the sanity and love my daughter. I am beyond uncomfortable with the way that she's talking to it but I am happy because it is giving me some insight as to how she is feeling about this. it also explains to me where she has been since she said that she went to go visit 'Uncle Simon'. before she starts talking to that thing again I step out from where I've been standing and call out to her.

" Clary?" I try to keep my tone as light as I possibly can as to not startle her. " honey what are you doing out here? could you not sleep? was it too hot in the bed?" Clary turns to look at me surprise consumes the look on her face before she relaxes, smiles she then opens her mouth, more than likely to answer my questions.

" oh no Mom I slept fine oh, better than I have been. And no the bed wasn't too hot, actually it was very comfortable. I was just, well I woke and well, I had to talk to Simon, I needed to tell him what had happened and I, I guess I just lost track of the time. and well by the time I got back I wasn't really tired and well I kind of kind of just decided to sit here and wait for you guys to wake up. I hope I didn't worry you too much Mom." she struggles throughout the sentence and it's obvious to me that she doesn't want to tell me some things, maybe she told Simon things that she didn't tell me, which would of course make perfect sense since he is her best friend and has been since they were six, they trust each other more than anyone else in the world. I'm glad that they have each other, you don't get many friends like that in this world and when you do find them you have to hold on tight to them, I should know I mean look at me and Luke of course our relationship progressed into something more, while clary's and Simon's relationship has stayed relatively the same.

" well honey I won't lie you did scare me a little, but I'm glad that you were able to talk to Simon I know him and you haven't really been talking here lately and well I know why but I'm just glad that you are starting to talk again. You two really need each other." she looks at me her expression so unreadable, she looks so far away and I feel awful she's been through so much in just a few short hours it's all turned upside down on her head. I want to help her I want to help her so badly with the problems that she's facing about telling the others, but now isn't about telling others what happened, now is the time to listen to what she has to say and try and help her with whatever she's feeling so that she can tell the others. but I need to give her a moment to breathe and digest everything that she's just been through. So instead of asking all of the burning questions that are at the tip of my tongue just waiting to be let out I smile and ask her,

" sweetie what do you want for breakfast?" she hesitates for a moment obviously shocked and that is what I'm going with and not asking more questions. but after a brief moment she answers what I have asked.

" I could really go for some Lucky Charms cereal. I haven't had a bowl of that while." then she smiles at me, well it's more of an impish grin but I will take what I can get.

" you're in luck I just went to the store and we do have a box, you stay here I'll go get it and we can watch a TV show or maybe a movie." the look in her eyes shows that she appreciate this more than I could ever hope to grasp. she gives me a tight watery smile and then in a broken voice says,

" I'd that mom, I'd like that a lot."


	16. chapter sixteen

* **Jocelyn's pov***

"Clary do you want something else with your Lucky Charms? Tea maybe?" I turn my head a little and ask my daughter, who is right behind me, this as I enter the kitchen.

"No mom I think I will just have the cereal. I think that is all I can stomach at the moment." Ah nausea, one of the many side effects of pregnancy, one that was my least favorite during both of mine. I make my way over to the cabinet that houses all of the tea I grab some chamomile and go over for the kettle I can hear clary going over to grab a bowl and spoon.

"All right, I am still going to make some tea so if you change your mind there will be some made." I really need some tea. my nerves feel like they are shot to hell and I need something to calm me down before I explode

"alright mom." I grab the kettle and go twards the sink to fill it with water, when it is at the level I want I turn off the water and go to the stove turning the dial to a medium heat and set the kettle down to boil. I turn and go to seat at the table to wait for the water to be ready.

I can't help but look and watch Clary as she moves to get the milk out of the fridge, which she then puts on the counter next to her bowl and spoon. She then gets on her tip toes and reaches up to grab the cereal on top of the fridge.As she does so her shirt rides up a little and I can see her stomach.

There is a tiny swell there, hardley noticable to anyone who wasn't looking for it, but I was and it makes me sick to my stomach, that creature inside her teriffies me, I want it to be good I really do but I have a feeling that it isn't going to be and I am scared of what that will do to Clary. I see clary make her bowl of cereal and walk over to sit across from me.

What scares me even more is Clary's reaction to it. She wants it, she wants it more than I have ever see her want something in her entire life.

"Mom are you ok?" I had become so lost in my fear and uncertainty that I hadn't even heard clary talking to me.

"Oh um yeah I'm fine why?" the smile she gives me is small and she looks so tired, its breaking my heart.

"Because you haven't even noticed that the kettle is whistling." What? suddenly I am nearly deafened by the sound of yhe kettle going off. how in the hell did I miss that?

"Oh shit." I get up quickly and take the kettle off the heated stovetop and put it on another stovetop I turn off the one that is on and make my way over to where the mugs are. I blindly grab one and go back over to the kettle and tea packets. I make myself a cup and walk back over to the table to drink it.

Clary is slowly eating her cereal. She seems to savor it, which makes sense since she hasn't eaten much of anything here lately and is probably starving. There is an awkward moment of silence with me sipping on my tea and Clary eating her much needed food.

I want to break the silence so badly but I don't want to push her more than I already have. The silence is suddenly broken by Clary.

"If you want to ask me about something you can. I won't be mad." her voice is soft and oddly comforting. So many questions burn through my head. Only one gets my full attention.

"All I want to know is how you are feeling. And maybe what you are thinking, but thats only if you want to tell me. Mostly I want to know if you're ok." I try to keep my voice as soothing as I can and I can see Clary's lips twitch upwards, then shes sighs and rins her hands across her face.

"I'm scared mom. Not of the baby or anything that I really should be scared of but of the others, about telling them." She refuses to look at me when she says this and instead seems to find her milk especially fascinating at the moment.

"Clary, honey you know that they care about you and I know that they won't blame you for-" before I can say anything more she cuts me off.

"I'm not afriad of their reactions but of how they will look at me after I tell them. I am terrified that they will look at me the way that you are right now. like I am weak, fragile." her voice trembles and she looks down.

" Clary, honey I don't think your weak or fragile. If anything I think that you are stronger then what I originally thought you were. No one will ever think that you are weak or fragile because of this, and if they do then they don't know you, you are so strong and so fierce and you have survived something horrible and traumatic and you are still standing strong, Clary I admire you, I love you. and I know for a fact that they would admire you too, and I know that they love you, not as much as I do but they do." she looks up at me with tears in her eyes how many times have I seen that look in the last few days? too many times.

" you really think so?" I can hear the fear and desperation in her voice.

"I know so." My voice brakes and I know immediately that I am going to cry very very soon.

" I don't know what to do, I want to tell them so bad but every time I think about telling them all I can imagine is them treating me like they did when I first met them, like I'm some soft weak little girl that needs to be protected, I have gone through too much and worked too hard to be treated like that again." she isn't crying but I can tell that she wants to oh, I can hear the tears in her voice.

"Then don't let them, if they start to treat you that way then remind them of the type of person that you have become, remind them of your strength. but Clary I don't think that they will treat you like that, I think that like me they will see you as stronger than what they original thought." she looks at me so hopeful and I can't help but add "if it would make you feel better me and Luke could be there when you tell them. I will hold your hand and we will make sure they won't interrupt you and if they start to get too much I'll tell them to stop." I get a watery smile after I say this.

"Thank you mom, I think I will take you up on that. Not now though, right now I want to finish my bowl of cereal and then I am going to take a nap." the tears have seemingly disappeared from her eyes, and all I want to do is gives her a hug but I think that right now she doesn't need me to give her a hug.

"That sound like a plan." I stand up finished with my tea and suddenly feel very drained, "I guess I will leave you to it." I turn to leave qhen I hear Clary call out to me.

"Mom wait." I turn to look at her, "where are you going?" I feel my lips twitch upwards.

" I was going to go do some chores around the house, why do you need something before you go to bed?" I'm suddenly very concerned, I can't help that feeling, whenever clary's involved I'm always concerned.

" well I was just wondering if you weren't too busy, if you could tuck me in." she looks a little sheepish and kind of embarrassed which is understandable since she's sixteen and probably feels like she's a little old to be asking to be tucked in.

"Of course I will." she smiles and quickly finishs het bowl then puts it in the sink. She the walks to her room, I'm right behind her. She walks to the bed and climbs in, pulling the comferter to the side and then pulling it up over her. I leaned down and give her forehead kiss and tell her, "Sweet dreams honey."

I make my way out of her room making sure to shut off the light and closing the door behind me, I then bumped right into Luke, which scared me half to death. I swatted him because I know he did it on purpose

"Don't do that." he puts his hands up in mock surrender. then he gets a serious look on his face I know what he's going to ask before he does but I allow him to ask.

" is she going to be okay?" such a loaded question, so many answers to it. but I only have one.

"She is for now. in the meantime you mister Garaway need to pick up your shoes." he gives me sheepish look and suddenly I am stuck with the fact that him and Clary share that look, he really is her father maybe not by Blood but in all the way that counts.

"Yes ma'am." I can't help the laughter that erupts from me when he says that, and he can't help but join in on it, for now we are fine but I wonder how long that's going to last.


	17. chapter 17

**it has been forever since I've updated this, I really didn't know how to continue from where I left off, but I figured it out. I apologize anyway.**

*clary's pov*

I close my eyes and drift asleep, I find myself in a familiar dark room. I feel excitement build up with in my chest because I know who's going to be here before I can look around tiny little body slams into my lower half.

"Mommy! you came back!" I looked down and there he is, my little morning star he looks so happy and he has a huge grin on his face I feel myself smile back at him and I'll kneel down to wrap him up in my arms. I don't know what exactly is going on, or how it is that I am holding him right now, but I really don't care.

" of course I came back! why wouldn't I? this is where my baby is, is it not?" suddenly he's not smiling, he looks a little sheepish a little afraid.

" I didn't think you were coming back. I thought that Maybe you didn't want me anymore." He says this in such a small voice, he's not allowed to have a voice like that so small and sad, I won't allow it.

" didn't want you anymore? my little Morning Star how could I ever not want you? you're my little baby my precious baby boy. you mean everything to me, everything." it makes me sad to think that my baby ever consider himself unwanted by me, his mother. " what makes you think this?" he looks away from me in frowns I put my finger underneath his chin and pull up getting his attention and making him look at me. " what made you think this?"

" nothing made me think it, I just... I just got scared, you left really fast and you were mad and really angry and I thought that maybe you didn't like me. or I did something that made you that way." Ah the simple fears of a small child.

" honey bee oh, no matter how mad or angry I seem to be always come back to you, you're my baby precious boy you mean more to me than anything and I wasn't even mad at you, I was mad at the other people we're trying to hurt you. mommy's sorry it seems like she was mad at you, mommy is sorry that she made you upset." He has to know that I love him, that I would never do anything to hurt him.

" I know that now, I just didn't know it then, I just wanted you to come back. I don't like being here by myself." he frowns and looks away again

" my little Morning Star you're never here by yourself, I am always with you even when I'm not here with you" I make a hand gesture around the air, " I am always here with you." I point at his chest.

he still has to say something, but then I feel someone in the waking World me nudging at me, more than likely my mom trying to wake me up. I feel regretful and kind of angry how dare they try to take me away from my son during our special time together? I just got here and we have barely even talk together they are trying to take me away. " mommy has to go now, I know that you don't want me to go but I have to, just know that I will be back so, I will always come back to you my little Morning Star, always."

I feel myself being pulled from the sleep that I was in and I meet the eyes of my mother, as much as I love her she really does have bad timing.

" what do you want mom?" I take this moment to look at her appearance, and suddenly I am very much on edge she looks pale and kind of angry but also frightened and worried, what the hell happened when I want to take a nap?

" Clary there are some people here to see you." what the hell did she mean they're people here to see me? before I can ask that she turns and leaves my room leaving me no choice but to follow her she leads me right down to the living room and I'm greeted with the sight of a worried looking Alec, a pissed-off looking Isabelle, a guilty looking Simon and a very sickly looking Jace. the feeling of dread overcomes me and all I can think is, 'Simon what have you done?'


End file.
